He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
