You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sober January is a disaster.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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