All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
