Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
