Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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