I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Terrible idea I love it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
