so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
