I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
