i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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