I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
