she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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