Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
