Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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