it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
