Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
