Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
