make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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