Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
