happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
