I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
