You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
smell my finger.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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