Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
