Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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