Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
