dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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