I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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