i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
