Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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