my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize