I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
