my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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