smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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