I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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