he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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