we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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