everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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