someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
