Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
