dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
