No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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