i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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