my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize