wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
