Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Still dying that you shit outside
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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