She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
