I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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