Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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