i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
