Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
