I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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