He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
