She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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