you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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