i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
