I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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