did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
