well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
