I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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