what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
