Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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