I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
