my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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