I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
