The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
