we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
