Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize