Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
