I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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