im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
